Practically every person adheres to thelifetime of certain principles, which can be adjusted depending on the situation. One of these can be called a specially created in the imagination label called: "What can not be forgiven."
Поговорим в данной статье на эту тему.What is forgiveness, what can you forgive and need, and what is impossible, because the offender will strike his blow again. In addition, discuss that you can not forgive a guy and a girl, if it's about relationships.
Everyone who professes a religion knows:forgiving is a work of charity and right. It is considered wrong to carry a grudge within oneself, but an act of revenge is an even more incorrect act. The best thing that can be done if you are offended is to forgive a person and let go of the situation, that is, stop thinking about her and play over and over again.
Probably, each of us understands: forgiving is right and good, but it is not always possible.
There may be several reasons for this.So, one of the most common - we like to be offended. That is, they inflicted some damage on us, infringed on our dignity, pity us! And if you have no one to spare, I will just walk and savor my insult, like a lump of sour lemon.
Вторая причина кроется в невозможности прощения as such. That is, we have certain principles that determine the value of our personality. For example, we say to ourselves: "I'm so beautiful, I can not raise my voice!" And then life brings us to a man who did not know about us this truth and "encircled" us with a three-story mat. To forgive him is to go over his own principles, and this is difficult to do.
The third reason can be in what kind of usinflicted injury. What if it is incommensurable, in our terms, with nothing? It's one thing to forgive a person who hit you or humiliated you. It is possible, albeit not easy. And is it possible to forgive someone who took away the health or life of a loved one, whether by will or not? Is it possible to forgive a doctor who committed a medical error or a driver who accidentally knocked down a pedestrian? Let's talk about this further and find out that you can not forgive and that you must forgive.
You know yourself very well, do not you?What exactly do you like and what does not. Where you grew up, studied, worked. With whom you are friends, whom you do not love and whom you would like to meet as your second half. A set of all these sensations, memories and mental images is your "I", or ego. Imagine: you suddenly lost your memory as a result of an accident. You come to, look in the mirror and see your reflection ... You see, it's you, but who are you?
Memories seem to be erased. So, take our memory from us, and we will lose ourselves? No, it is not true - we will lose our perception of ourselves, and nothing more.
Now about the principles.All your dogmas, ideas and rules are the same imitated components of the "I". You created them, carefully molded and carried with you, so that your identity was as complete as possible. After all, the more you can tell about yourself, the more complete a person you are. So, you know, to the question: “What can not be forgiven for man?” There is one answer: “You can forgive everything. The only problem is the desire to do it. ” If you go beyond your ego even for a second, you will know: you do not have principles and rules, and you can even have your own executioners in your imagination.
About what can not be forgiven, we are toldparents in the process of education. This is done with a good purpose - to save the kids from mistakes. After all, everyone should have a sense of dignity, a love of self. Mom does not want her daughter to suffer from her husband's fists in the future. The father will not wish his son to be cheated on by his wife. Therefore, since childhood, each carries in his head Pandora's box named: "What can never be forgiven." Notice, the box is closed. Parents tell us that it's impossible to forgive, but they do not disclose the cards to the end: what will happen if you still forgive the offender? ..
Therefore, every man knows that you can not forgivewoman, and each lady keeps in her head a scheme, which she will not forgive her chosen one and so on. Most often these principles are hard as flint, and breaking them is tantamount to betraying oneself.
Let's make a list of the most acute situations and deeds, which are very difficult or impossible to forgive:
As you can see, there is always something worse than what isalready happened and that "you can not forgive." For example, some unfortunate publicly cursed and humiliated the chief. A person swears to himself never again to talk to him and considers him an enemy number one.
But if in the evening the same poor fellow learns that heeven his wife changed, then the morning situation with the boss will seem not so sad. The boss can already be forgiven, but his wife becomes a persona non grata in the soul of this person. Go ahead. Agree that the same betrayal does not seem too much grief in comparison with points four or five.
This thought experiment suggests thatthat the category “What cannot be forgiven” is relative and may change in your mind. You are the full owner of your principles and beliefs. Therefore, it is up to you to decide whether to forgive the offender.
Not to be able to forgive is the same as to your own andso heavy life burden to throw up from time to time weighty cobblestones. Have you noticed what happens in the mind with the "unforgiven" and therefore unresolved situations? Many “pull” from kindergarten memories of how they were hurt, teased. Further in life - even more insults. They accumulate and increase in size, at the same time generating complexes and negative expectations from others. “I was hurt so many times - it means that I am a loser. Weak person. If I were good, I would not be betrayed so many times. ”
Believe (and check) that forgiveness is the mosta simple and natural thing to do in response to a grudge. This is how the Bible and the Church teach us. What can not be forgiven? From the point of view of Christianity, there are no such acts. You can forgive everything!
Accept the imperfection of the offender.Understand that he is just a man. He has his fears, views on life, complexes. Perhaps causing you pain, he just wants to get out of his quagmire, to become higher, even if dishonestly, at your expense. Forgive him. Wish him happiness, because a person who is satisfied and happy will not cause or wish anything bad to another. And you will see that the situation will be resolved, that it will be easy for you to drop off your load! And the offender will leave your life or apologize if this is your close person.
You have never heard of womenHusbands regularly beat them, what do they understand, why is this happening? They say that mother told them a long time ago that it was impossible to forgive a man for violence, and they, such-as-so, forgive, and therefore suffer. How does this fit with the theory that you need to forgive?
Everything is very simple!Forgiveness is necessary, and even necessary. But the act of forgiveness, alas, does not make the offender holy. If you forgive the wrong treason or aggressive - beating, you will not protect yourself from the will of this person in the future. What to do? Weigh soberly what kind of person it is, and - most importantly - what place it occupies in your life. It may be better to forgive him and ... forget, let go on all four sides.
For example, did you find out that your girlfriendchanged you. It hurts you, but you love her very much and therefore forgive, decide to be further with her. A year goes by and you will again find out about infidelity. Well, did you forgive her for nothing?
Давайте кое-что уточним.To forgive is not to allow a person to do a dirty trick again to you. Forgiveness means accepting a situation: “You are wrong, but I forgive you. You are just a man, and therefore you have the right to make a mistake. ” So you have to think if you have been hurt. And to continue living with those who beat you, call you names or change you is another question. Most likely, the person relates to life and to you personally is not at all the way you think is right. If you are betrayed once, it is likely that it will happen again. However, it is possible that this will not happen again. In general, what to do next is up to you, but you need to forgive!
Do not ask more questions like:“What can't a man forgive?”, As if the representative of a strong half of humanity is some kind of a separate subspecies. Every man is unique, everyone’s mistakes are unique. The fact that you came across not very good "gentlemen", says simply that you are progressing in development and refuse to be content with little.
No less ridiculous are questions like:“What can't a girl be forgiven?” Remember that it is necessary to forgive a person anyway, regardless of gender and age, and this is important not only for him, but also for you. But whether to build a relationship with the abuser or to disperse is your conscious choice. In itself, forgiveness does not commit anyone to anything.
There are things for which a person cannot be forgiven.seems possible. It is very easy to talk about how to release a traitor or foul language with the world, but there are misdeeds that are very difficult to forget. We are talking about accidents, accidents, negligence, not to mention even more evil - conscious crimes. How can you forgive the guilty, if behind the guise of a person lies the fiend of hell?
Let's be frank: this is a complex topic.Perhaps you are not ready to read what we say next, and, nevertheless, it is. Hating someone is eating away at your soul. If you have suffered a lot of pain, you have only two options: dig in this trouble, relive it again and again, or allow yourself to live on, letting go of the situation. What to choose is up to you, since you are the master of your life.
The word "criminal" comes from the word“Overstep”, that is, this is the person who steps over universal human norms, forgetting about the value of life and health. Such people exist and, most likely, will always exist. We cannot look into their heads, read their thoughts, but if they could do this, then, according to psychologists, they would see a child there that someone had once hurt, and he could not forgive. Now it may be your turn to make a conclusion. But remember that forgiveness is necessary not for someone else, but exclusively for you.
We may think that some things and insults forgetimpossible, but with the same success we can just take and “let go” of the offender. Remember that to forgive is not to let him continue to mock you. Try to simply accept his imperfections, recognize that this is just a person who has the right to make mistakes. However, do not confuse forgiveness with permissiveness. If the one who hurts you is by nature - just leave it and go on your way.
And one more thing that should not be forgotten.The longer you carry a load of offense, and the harder it is, the worse for you. You lose the joy to life, your self-esteem falls. Forgive everyone who has ever hurt you, release these people in your mind, and you will immediately get relief.
